Saturday, March 18, 2006
Being with my thoughts.

I've had a few not-so-good days. It feels like an emotional regression. It sucks. Whenever I get into one of these funks, all of my progress seems to slip away.

I got the results to my sleep studies. I have moderate sleep apnea. I didn't want to write a whole lot about it here, because it's easily 'fixed' and I thought by now I'd be getting sleep and be writing about it from a different perspective. Now that I've had a glimpse of what restorative sleep feels like I WANT MORE. It's like a drug. I'm jealous of people who can easily get it and I'm angry at myself for always thinking I know more than the doctors. The worst part-- I caused this. My doctor thinks that if I had my tonsils removed when it was first recommended (roughly seven years ago) then I would not have this problem now. I could still get my tonsils removed, but it carries much more of a risk since I am older and have developed other health problems. These feelings are only temporary, as I will soon get a CPAP machine to wear while I sleep, enabling me to sleep normally and stop bitching. YAY! I was supposed to get it last Monday, and the extra week is really what's getting to me.

J is doing horribly. It's strange--she thinks she's doing absolutely wonderfully. How many hospitalizations do you have to have before you realize that you have some problems? She is now living with a cocaine addicted prostitute. Can you guess what she's doing? Yup, cocaine and prostitution. I can't even talk to her anymore. She leaves a lot of messages about "this dude didn't pay so I had to (break a window, pull out a knife, key his car) and now the cops are trying to find me". It's so sad! I look back at the eight years I've known her and I'm just shocked. And disappointed.

I'm going to shake this attitude over the weekend. I think I just have to be with my thoughts instead of pushing them away. That's why I wrote them down here! Blog therapy!

Anonymous Kristina had this to say:

Hey! I was diagnosed with mild sleep apnea about two years ago. I don't hav ethe machine and my doctor also thinks that it has to do with my tonsils. I get chronic bronchitis and strep throat and I have asthma. I have to go for sleep test after the baby is born. I hope you are able to find some relief once your machine comes.

Sorry about your friend. I have a friend like that who never seems to make the right choices. I cry for her a lot.

5:05 PM EST 

Blogger *~Tey~* had this to say:

your blog is pretty. I came through Blog Mad

6:11 PM EST 

Blogger magnolia had this to say:

Kristina- LOL we have a lot in common as far as sickness goes! I could only imagine what Annie would say!

Tey- Thanks, it's from

9:15 AM EST 

Blogger Heidi had this to say:

so sorry to hear abt J., magnolia. it isn't easy to see someone you care about make unhealthy choices... :( ((((HUGS))))

I hope you had a good wkend and were able to shake your mood. I think writing your feelings down is a very good way of figuring out how to deal with them.

1:44 PM EST 

Anonymous Kristina had this to say:

"I could only imagine what Annie would say!"

I know. We must have been planted by the devil in order to weaken the human race. LOL.

1:30 AM EST 

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