Wednesday, February 15, 2006
I have a sister! And a completed sleep study! And 100 posts! PART TWO

Let's see, where did I leave off? Oh, yes...Mother and picture of my sister (MY SISTER! Doesn't that sound so cute?)

The last time I heard from my mother, I was in labor with Sky (now 4). My step-mom had contacted her and told her I was having a baby. My mother had written on a little post-it note: "Dear Magnolia, Congratulations on your new family. Love, Mom". I was angry. It was probably bad timing on my stepmom's part, too. That memory of my mother--or her note, anyway--is the only memory I have of her that affected me so emotionally.

After having Sky, I easily forgot about that note. In fact, it was my dear Grandma who brought it up to me while I was telling her about my sister a few days ago. My brother hasn't officially talked to our mom for as long as he can remember.


--My maternal grandfather (my mom's dad who I mentioned got into drugs and remarried) ended up getting another divorce, becoming addicted to heroine, losing his hearing, and sobering up in the five years between when my mother went into social-services custody and when she got married. He had a few relapses, but despite that my brother and I got to know him really well. He contracted AIDS from sharing needles, and died from a cold in 1998 (or 1999? I can't really remember.)

--My mom moved to Florida days after she announced the pending divorce. That was a big part of what made staying in touch hard, I'm She's on her third marriage right now, and I believe my new sister is her only other child. Also, her and my dad's marriage lasted six years after she moved before the divorce was final. (Don't ask me why, I don't know)

--My Grandmother has had the same phone number since "1942", I don't know if that is factual, as she gets a bit....out there....sometimes, but that's what she says. That phone number is what made it so easy for my mother to "find" us whenever she felt up to it.

Anything else?

Ok, my sister. I wish I could share her name here, but unfortunately it is exceptionally uncommon. For blogging purposes, she'll be called Trina. Trina is 13! That means she's been alive for roughly half my life! She's never seen snow before. I wish I could send her some. Her birthday is November 3rd. She lives with our mother as far as I know. Yeah, that's about it. LOL! I thought there was so much to tell about her, but that is everything I know so far. I am writing her back ASAP, and sending her a bear for Valentine's Day. Do 13 year olds like bears? I don't remember that far back....

Any advice at all on thirteen year-olds would be appreciated!

Trina has my maiden name for her last name. This is strange because at the time my mother had already dropped that name and replaced it with HER maiden name. So, she shares a last name with MY father, not her father or her mom. Strange.

I hope it is not too late to start a relationship with Trina. I'm sure later in life it will be good for both of us--I just don't know how to do it now. I hope writing is enough. I'm going to enclose my phone number with my letter, but I'm terrified of her calling. I have no idea if she knows any of the circumstances that led the non-existant relationship between us. What will I tell her if she asks why I never called? My freaking out is very theraputic, albeit annoying. Sorry.

To be continued.....Soon, the rest of the title: sleep study! And 100 posts! (well, 101 now)

Blogger Heidi had this to say:

I am so excited for you about getting to know your sister!

I have two half-sisters (we have the same father, who died 10 yrs ago this Aug.) The oldest one is 19y/o and the youngest one is 17y/o. We aren't as close as I'd like us to be. I mean, I was in college when my Dad died, and keeping in touch with the girls (who lived over a 2 hours drive away from the college I attended) was hard, but manageable. Till I moved to Maine 3 yrs later. Then, I had to work VERY hard to keep in touch with them.

and as you know, I recently moved to OH, and now I am only a 4 hours drive away from them. I give them gifts on their Bdays and Xmas. Anytime I am in the area where they live, I call and try to arrange it so I can take them out for lunch or dinner.

Long story short, I love them and don't ever intend to let our relationship fade away. We are family. I'm sure in time, you and Trina will have a relationship too. It will take some hard work on both sides (mostly your's b/c you are the oldest), but it is doable if you want it.

Also, I have always been 100% honest and upfront with my sisters about my Dad and any questions they have/had. I don't sugar coat it, but I also don't get into the nitty gritty. I just give them the most frank answer I can manage, and they respect that, I think.

I wish you all the best with your sister, magnolia!

2:12 PM EST 

Blogger Paula460 had this to say:

Magnolia... don't be afraid of her calling...
You have a sweet and big heart who will tell you exctly waht to say to her.

1:50 PM EST 

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