Sunday, January 22, 2006
My Cafepress Store!

I just got my Cafepress Store up and running. Please go browse and feed my sickness! Whether you love it or hate it, let me know what you think!

::::::::MY STORE::::::::

Friday, January 20, 2006
Doctor visit: processing.

Going to the see the doctor took a lot out of me today. I am emotionally exhausted. If there is one place where I can guarantee my anxiety will come through, it's the doctors. Which explains why my pulse was 130, even after sitting in the waiting room for twenty minutes.

On the other hand, I really liked the doctor I saw today. He reminds me of Rory's grandfather on Gilmore Girls. (Is that show still on, by the way? I used to watch it religiously until Dean decided to get married!) Really, he had the bowtie and everything.

The appointment part was fairly easy. I have to go to a sleep clinic, as I assumed I might, and participate in a sleep study. Otherwise, I got several blood tests done and the results will be back in about a month. I have to go back in the same amount of time, and hopefully by then I will have already gotten some answers from this sleep study.

I've been trying to recover emotionally all afternoon from the combination of the anxiety attack and the irrational fear about doctors in general. Unfortunately, therapy had no answers, just lots of tears and frustration over not being able to overcome this.

Yeah, so it's Jars of Clay, a hot cup of tea, and hopefully a full night's sleep for me.

Tuesday, January 17, 2006
Getting back into the swing of things

It's very difficult for me to try to blog--at all--after such a long absence. I feel like I should be writing something a lot less trivial than the minor details of my last few weeks. At the least, something slightly interesting.

There was a big semi-secretive investigation going on. One of the other wives was growing and possibly selling drugs out of her house. I was wrapped up in the middle of that for a few days. How I got involved: J of course! I was not too happy.

Sky, my beautiful almost four-year old, was very sick for a while. Her fever reached 104 degrees and stayed there for most of a two-day period. We had a nice visit at the hospital, where we all suddenly realized that Motrin takes her fever down very quickly, where as Tylenol is pretty useless at the same. She has since recovered from her virus and is back to her usual self. Since Sky is so super healthy all of the time, this was pretty scary. This was the first (and hopefully last) fever I've seen that high.

News of my father's current living arrangements have came to me through the 'grapevine'. Apparently, his new space has a 6'x6' bed--not made for sleeping in--, four wheels and a door on each side. At least when you hit rock bottom you can't get any lower. Oh, wait...yes you can! This space is shared by David's mom! And he got evicted again! Only this time, it was from a hospital parking lot!

I have to see a doctor this week for my 'narcolepsy', as dear therapist calls it. It has suddenly come again, and I am being treated with melatonin (over the counter, because it is not yet FDA approved). Hopefully, this doctor will agree with my theory about taking a stimulant during the day instead of just freaking sleeping pills that leave me dizzy and not-quite-with-it.

Updates will be coming soon after I see this doctor on Thursday.

Tuesday, January 03, 2006
2005 and 2006 resolutions.

2006 -- The Year In Review Meme

1. What did you do in 2005 that you'd never done before? Payoff a new car loan--all our other (junk) cars were purchased with cash.

2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I don't remember if I made any. Will make some for this year.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? No.

4. Did anyone close to you die? No.

5. What countries did you visit? None, thankfully.

6. What would you like to have in 2006 that you lacked in 2005? Mental stability.

7. What dates from 2005 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? October 13th, a missed due date.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Getting into therapy and letting go of some of my long-held-onto anger.

9. What was your biggest failure? Neglecting my family while I tried to help J.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Does pneumonia count?

11. What was the best thing you bought? It was a gift-- a digital camera.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? Hero's for dealing with me so well.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? Bush's.

14. Where did most of your money go? Car, kids.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Sky learning the alphabet.

16. What song will always remind you of 2005? Ummm...that Greenday song that Hero loooovvvveeeessssss.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? Happier!
b) thinner or fatter? About the same.
c) richer or poorer? Richer.
d) healthier or sicker? Both. Mentally healthier, physically sicker.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of? Spending time enjoying the moments.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of? Trying to fufil needs that don't exist-- of mine, and of others.

20. How did you spend Christmas? Home with my family.

21. Who did you spend the most time on the phone with? J.

22. Did you fall in love in 2005? All over again with Hero, Sky, and Moon.

23. How many one-night stands? None.

24. What was your favorite TV program? House, then The OC.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? Not hate, but am appalled at a used too be friend, Cassandra, she really did some damage.

26. What was the best book you read? Getting through the Day (don't know author, book was lent to me)

27. What was your greatest musical discovery? Nothing new, really. The older you get, the harder it is to keep up lol.

28. What did you want and get? Help mentally

29. What did you want and not get? An instant fix all for all my problems

30. What was your favorite film of this year? I liked Crash a lot.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? Nothing special. Old.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Either letting go of my dad quicker or not having that problem in the first place.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2005? Mom'd out and scrubby as usual for me.

34. What kept you sane? High-speed Internet connectivity, therapy, a decent husband.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? The guy that plays House, I love the doctor he plays on tv.

36. What political issue stirred you the most? Let's not go there. I just hate Bush is all.

37. Who did you miss? Kate! David's nana and baby sister.

38. Who was the best new person you met? My neighbor. She rocks.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2005. Change comes from within oneself.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year: ".....maybe when I'm done with endings this can begin."--something corporate, and of course: "fuck you for existing in the first place"--ani difranco


--I will try my best to quit smoking for good this year. No lie.
--I will set up an account so we will 'pay ourselves first' and build some untouchable savings.
--I will try to be a better mother and wife, refusing to let anyone else's problems interrupt our life.

Sunday, January 01, 2006
I heart Ikea.

For the girls birthdays (Feb.1 and Feb.4), a big part of their gift will be getting their room made over. Completely. Hero just got notified that he will be going to school at the beginning of Feb and not returning until March, so we decided to shop for furniture now.

I spent three nights at Ikea's website narrowing my decisions down. It was wonderful. I dreamed about things I would purchase. Ikea has become a sickness. When we finally made the trip to the real thing, I was impressed and not at all overwhelmed. We left with everything, staying well within our budget. Some advice though, buy the most expensive mattress you can afford if you are going foam. Really. Also check out the As-Is part of the store because they TELL YOU the reason the product is being sold so cheap. Some of the couches and chairs were being sold because they had footprints on them. Not visible ones, but on the cushions, underneath where you put the cover. We purchased two down pillows that were.....missing tags.....for $3.

I also love Ikea because it is possible to buy furniture for your kids to destroy as they grow. I personally wrecked a lot of furniture growing up. Just ask my grandma. I know that the furniture we bought was so inexpensive that I wont be devestated to see it wrecked a few years down the line.

So visit Ikea when you need furniture and Happy New Year!