Thursday, August 25, 2005
Judge not, lest ye be judged

At therapy (where I learn all my life lessons), I was told going to MA would be setting myself up for failure. One night I decided I was going up, for no apparent reason. Subconsciously, though, I had decided to change the world. Hence, the big break down.

And then I learned my therapist was psychic.

My brother, who has been in and out of jail since the tender age of 17, (and years in DYS before that), got in a fist fight with Hero's mom (who's dating my dad). The parental units and my brother live in the same duplex, but not the same side. From what I have put together from a combination of four sources, my brother knocked on dad's door when dad was at work, H's mom opened the door, and brother tried to rape her. Somehow, she got away and brother went back to his side.

Later, dad came home from work, H's mom told him what happened, they grabbed a horseshoe (?), and knocked on brother's door. Brother opened, and as dad was swinging, brother knocked him onto the ground, slapped him around, then proceeded to throw H's mom against the house as hard as he could.

The police were called, no charges were pressed, parents refused to issue statements. The next day (today), parents went to court, issued statements about the attack (minus the attempted rape), and four charges are now being pressed against brother.

I can see two sides. First, brother has been charged with attempted rape in the past. He barely got off the charges, and only because the witness/victim changed her story, and then didn't show for court.

Next, H's mom is a compulsive liar, bipolar, very controlling, and has told dad in the past that she hates his kids (me and brother) and wants us 'gone'.

Also, dad is just fucking crazy.

So what happened REALLY, I will never know. I am going to completely leave it up to the judge and the jury to decide. I'm not even going to take a stab at it because in my opinion, they should all be locked up for a very long time, family or not.

My dearest grandma (who shouldn't be put through all this shit, poor woman), called me to talk about what was going on. We had a long conversation during which she revealed that dad was excited because "after putting brother away again, daughter (me) will want to be friends with us (dad and H's mom)."

Fucking sick. He is so disgusting. And everyone wonders why I'm so fucked up. I can't believe that in the midst of all that happened/may have happened he would say something like that. It's like he doesn't even care. My whole life he pitted me and my brother against each other to get what he wanted. No wonder my brother and I can't be in the same room for more than an hour at a time. No wonder we are always convinced the other is 'working for dad'.

I wish the police would drug test them all and find out what was really going on. I swear, I get high just driving past that house. Not that drug testing would solve all these problems, just so everyone knows that none of them can be trusted.

So, I still want to go. In fact, I think I am going to go. I wonder if my therapist is right. Probably.

Blogger Heidi had this to say:

I have to wonder if your therapist has a point here... if you do go, be careful.

in my experience, sometimes it is just easier/healthier for me and my kids to remove myself from family issues that are bigger then I am. but then again, I run away from conflict b/c I get overwhelmed by things that are out of my control. and what works for me may not work for you.

I'll be thinking of you!

8:44 AM EDT 

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