Saturday, July 02, 2005
Friends or housemates?
I am having a problem figuring out my boundaries with my neighbors. Sally specifically. A week ago, we had some drinks and started talking. Hours passed and the group of eight slowly reduced to two-- Sally and I. We talked all night. We laughed, we cried, we bonded. We didn't end up seeing our beds until daylight. I loved it.
Sally says that I know her better than anyone else. She tells me things that she doesn't even tell her husband. Although I don't think it's a great idea for her to keep things from her husband, I can understand why she is doing it, and I don't judge her for it.
Ever since last weekend, Sally has been asking very serious, difficult to answer questions. I am not sure if I should be answering them as a friend or a 'friendly neighbor'. Kind of like the 'do I look fat?' question (except a lot more serious). Either I could answer honestly and risk causing some damage or I could lie and make her feel better but never really resolve anything. When I ask her if she wants me to be completely honest, she says she does. Why ask a question if you don't want an answer, right? On the other hand, sometimes I don't have all the answers. My opinion isn't always right. I am not a therapist. I feel bad having to tell her something that I know hurts her, yet she needs/wants to hear.
I hope Sally gets through all of her anger and hurt without taking to much damage along the way. She deserves to finally be happy. I hope I am not the one causing the damage, as well.
| posted by magnolia at 1:07 PM
Heidi had this to say:
Oh, I love getting to know someone really well like that and having long talks that last into the daylight hours! Good for you that you have connected with someone so well and are sharing such good times together.
I wish I had advice on how to handle the situation you are encountering with Sally, but I don't want to tell you what to do... I'm sure that she trusts and values your thoughts and opinions very much and that is a powerful thing. However, maybe she already suspects what she will hear from you, and she needs to hear it from someone she trusts...? Just a thought. Good luck with this.
- 11:04 PM EDT
Jaden had this to say:
I would not tell the honest truth! Remember this is your neighbor, so if you tick her off, you can't really get away. I would get to know her a lot longer before I was brutally honest.
- 5:25 PM EDT
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- 9:13 AM EST
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- 11:52 PM EDT
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