Thursday, June 23, 2005
Introducing Kerrie

Kerrie is my new therapist. She's very, very nice. We talked a little bit about how crazy I am and it was okay. We talked a little about my past and that too was okay. We talked about my trust issues, my previous counseling, and my comfort levels with talking about 'stuff'. All in all it was okay.

Kerrie says she doesn't want to rush to diagnose me (yay!), and that she wants to take her time and make sure she gets the right one. I am not on any meds at this time, but over the next month we are going to work on determining if I need something for my anxiety. Any meds I agree to take will be completely on me--I can stop if I think they aren't working, and no blood level meds will be recommended. I think I found a good thing.

Kerrie also says she thinks I stopped growing emotionally at a very young age. I am like a two year old. Part of me was offended, as my kids are probably emotionally older than me, but the other part was impressed. Besides the tantrum throwing when I don't get what I want, I am a two year old. I get angry when I should be sad, overstimulated when I should be happy, and I think people can't feel how I feel unless I make them. Make any sense?

I told Kerrie that I like to run away from therapy, and she was okay with that. I also told her I may not feel the same way about her as I did today, because I am easily hurt and the hurt turns into fear and the fear turns into distrust. She was okay with that too. She said she's not going anywhere, and as long as I come back, she'll be there. I know she means as long as I pay her, but same difference, right?

I hope I follow through this time.

Blogger Heidi had this to say:

what you said about being emotionally like a 2yr old totally made sense to me. That is really eye-opening when you look at it that way... ("I get angry when I should be sad, overstimulated when I should be happy, and I think people can't feel how I feel unless I make them.")

Your description so far of your meeting with her sounds very positive. I wish you all the best with your sessions with her. I'm sure it will be a long, gradual process, but I am also sure that you can do it. One day at a time, one foot in front of the other. You deserve to find peace and happiness! Best wishes!

10:22 PM EDT 

Blogger Heidi had this to say:

hi, magnolia! just stopping by to let ya know that you have been "tagged"! you'll have to check out my blog for the details... ;)

3:09 PM EDT 

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