Wednesday, May 25, 2005
Don't trouble trouble?

Wow. It's been a long time. Sorry I'm such a slacker.

J is still here. The timeline of her stay is undetermined as of yet. She is welcome as long as she wants, as I'd rather have her here than in trouble somewhere else.

My grandma used to have this saying that started "Don't trouble trouble unless..." I don't remember the rest, but I feel like it should apply here. I love J dearly, but I wish I could shake her sometimes.

Is drug dealing illegal if you never posses the drugs? I mean, are you considered a drug dealer if you find drugs for someone in need, free of charge, and pass info between the two parties? Yeah....that happened. I told her that was not something that was going to go on at/in/near my home, and I think she gets it. We've only been to two meetings so far (that's probably my fault), and are going to church regularly. J seems to be doing okay, but she gets a little crazy here and there. Last time she visited she was much more laid back.

My chief complaint is the constant moving. The rush to 'do'. J can't be in one place for more than an hour. This means I can't be in one place for more than an hour. Try keeping up with your housework on that schedule. I hate telling her we can't go to coffee at midnight every night, as I have to get up with the kids. Honestly, I just don't feel that comfortable driving around in the middle of the night, but when I say that she tells me she'll drive. I feel like I have a teenager for a child, not so much a best friend.

On the other hand, I know J is doing really, really well for someone who escaped a cult only to find herself living in a car for weeks before finally coming back. I want to be supportive. I want to give her everything she wants (which mainly consists of all my attention.) I'm not strong enough to be able to be that person for her and also be the mom I strive to be, the good wife, the 'homemaker'. I can't find a balance. I think her neediness is just too much for me to take on.

I know there is a reason for all of J's neediness. I feel like I'm being a bad friend when I have to say no. J has a counselor who is trying to help her with all of her feelings. I don't know exactly what they're doing, but let's hope it works.

In other news, Hero has his PT test tomorrow morning, followed immediately by his twenty-four hour shift. Wish him well.






3 Comments:
Blogger Heidi had this to say:

magnolia, I think you are being such a great friend to J. It must be very difficult for you to keep up with her and the rest of your responsibilities, but it says a lot about you as a person, that you are so willing to support a friend in need. She is very lucky to have you as a friend! And while it may be difficult for you to tell her "no," sometimes that's what people need to hear whether they want to or not. Just like how we want to be great parents, but we still need to set limits and boundaries for our children. I believe that those limits give the kids a sense of security b/c they know that there is a consequence for not staying within the boundaries, and they know the boundaries are set b/c someone cares enough about them to set those limits. Sometimes part of giving attention to those who crave it so much is setting boundaries and saying "no" b/c it's part of showing them that we care enough to protect them and keep them safe from making choices that could cause irreparable damage to them. Sorry for rambling a bit. Hope what I said makes some sense. Just know that I'll be thinking of you and your friend and praying things work out for the best for all of you. (and good thoughts going out to Hero for tomorrow!!!)

3:20 PM EDT 

Blogger Heidi had this to say:

have a great holiday weekend!

11:17 AM EDT 

Anonymous Anonymous had this to say:

That's a great story. Waiting for more. » »

2:42 AM EST 

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