Sunday, March 06, 2005
You Know You're From Massachusetts When...

You Know You're From Massachusetts When...

These are so funny because they're true!! The most obvious difference between living in Massachusetts and Maryland is the fact that life is so much slower here. Everyone is overly friendly. In Boston people are rude, but that's the way we like it. We don't want to talk about your kids while waiting to get through the drive thru line, we just want our god-damned coffee!

And by the way, regular is: Large- 4 cream 4 sugar, Medium- 3 cream 3 sugar, Small- 2 cream 2 sugar. How hard is that? It should be universal.

Here's an example of me ordering at my local Dunkin Donuts (which is 45 mins away)

"Can I have a medium regular iced?"

"HUH?"

"Can I have a medium regular iced coffee?"

"Do you want cream or sugar in that?"

"Yes"

"Which one?"

"What? Both."

"You're kids are so cute, I have two daughters too. They're a little older than yours. The oldest will be in middle school next year, and we don't know what we're going to do....

**Now two cars in line behind me.

"We want to have another baby, but it was so hard for us to get pregnant with the youngest that we don't know if it will even be worth it. You know, it's so draining driving for all those appointments. And we're even older now than we were last time, so I'm sure it will take longer to conceive.

**NOW HAS MY COFFEE IN HAND

"With my oldest, it just took once, I came off the pill and she popped out nine months later. My sister-in-law has two boys. I love her boys, except she hasn't even started to potty train them yet. They are three and four years old now. Are your girls potty trained? I know I started with mine when they were 18 months old. OH, here's you're coffee. That will be $1.50."

**I hand here a $5. She gets my change, I stick my hand out the window.

"I didn't mean to offend you if your girls aren't trained yet, they are trained, aren't they?"

"The oldest one is"...Arm still waiting for change

"Yeah, some parents just don't get around to training until later and that's fine too. I worry with my sister-in-law though, because her kids can't even get into daycare and she's upset about it. Are your girls in daycare?"

"I'm really running late"

"Oh, sorry Sugar, here you go hon."

Now again, but in Massachusetts.

"Can I have a medium regular iced"

"That'll be $1.94 please pull up"

I'm sure we'd get along fine if we met somewhere, and I'm sorry about your problems, but believe me, I DON'T WANT TO HEAR YOUR STORY, I DON'T WANT TO HAVE ANY CONVERSATION, I JUST WANT MY COFFEE!! And I'm sorry if I seem rude, I'm from Boston.

And the same goes for my neighbors. If you need something, please knock on our door. If we can help you, we'd be glad to.

On the other hand, DO NOT knock on my door to remind me that trash goes out Friday, I know.

DO NOT knock to tell me you know the secret to parking your car in the snow so you'll be able to plow through a foot of it in the morning, I've seen forty inches of snow in less than a week, and you're going to have to tough up and shovel. Sure, you can try to plow over it, but you WILL get stuck. I'm not going to take you're advice because I did this every winter for many, many years.

Oh, and just one more:

DO NOT push us to be your friends the second time we meet you in said snow situation. You are old enough to be our parents, and if we do end up being friends, that's great. Pushing us to be your friends isn't going to work though, and it's not socially acceptable where we're from to invite strangers to family gatherings just to be nice. To a cookout in the summer? Maybe. To an intimate adult family gathering in your apartment with our kids being the only kids there? I think not.

I miss Boston.






8 Comments:
Blogger Jon Langdon had this to say:

From CT so I know all about them massachusettians... also been down to maryland.. it's nice at first, but once you're from new england you'll never get that deep down inside asshold out of you.

--Jon Langdon
mmmhmmm since 2002

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