Sunday, March 20, 2005

Hero and I no longer fight about the Big Stuff. In my experience, only the first few years of marriage are spent fighting about the Big Stuff (Thank God). Now, the Big Stuff presents itself as an opportunity for us to discuss what needs to be discussed and work together to find an appropriate resolution.

Our fights are now only occasional, and usually involve me trying to Show him "the natural consequences" of his actions." I can't help it, I'm a bitch.

When he gets pulled over for driving without a valid lisence (it expired almost a year ago), I tell him to get on the phone, call the MVA (in Mass. it's 'the registry'), and see if he needs an appointment to get a Maryland lisence. When he decides his plan is better and he can wait, I don't fight about it.

When his chain of command tells him he has exactly one day to get a lisence I say "Well you'd better get on that." When he once again decides to blow it off and wait until the last minute, I don't fight about it.

When his one day is now limited to exactly four hours, in which he has to make an appointment, go to the registry, and fufill all their requirements so he won't get in trouble by his command, what does he do? He calls ME up and asks me to call the registry for him.

I say "When do you need this done by?" And he says "Right Now." Then I say "Sorry, you're going to have to do it yourself, I'm simply too busy."

Like I said I'm a bitch, but he ended up doing it himself. Not only that, he got it all done within the four hours he needed it done in. I am proud of him.

What would have happened if I fought with him the whole time? What would have happened if I made a big deal out of something like that by repeatedly reminding him or checking on his progress several times?

Two things: First, he would start fighting about how he knows what he has to do and always manages to get it done (which is true). Second, I would have ended up doing it for him (the calling part, anyway) because I would have been so stressed out about him possibly getting in trouble for not getting it done.

I've learned to care a lot less since I've been married. And it's not neccesarily a bad thing.

Blogger Heidi had this to say:

LOL that is sooo true! I have also learned to care less about certain things over the years. It's just not worth it to fight all the time. Now with the kids its even worse. I mean, I am so busy doing everything for the girls, I don't have time to take care of myself, let alone my man! ;o) Besides, they can be pretty darn self-sufficient when they realize you aren't going to be able to do things for them...

Great post!

4:45 PM EST 

Blogger Greg had this to say:

Wow you sound more like his mother then his wife. Sorry you married someone that doesn't accept responsibility. Hope it works out for you in the future.


10:43 AM EST 

Blogger Jaden had this to say:

Care less?! Sounds like great advice! I"ll try it and let you know how it goes...*Jaden

2:35 PM EST 

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